The Prayer of Saint Francis

I will be posting my gifts in a bit but wanted to share this real quick while I had a minute.

This prayer has really been speaking to me lately!

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

1000 Gifts: Stay tuned

Arrrg! Now that I have a minute to put my gifts down I can't seem to find my handy little note book I've been keeping them in. I am hoping when the girls get home one of them will know where it might be. None the less I wanted to say that me not doing it yet is not a reflection of my heart. I have many gifts and would love to share the with you. Last week me not posting my gifts was a reflection of my heart though. It was just a bad week for me...

But stay tuned! Hopefully I will find my note book and post my gifts soon :)

My Lord of the Rings review and why I hate the flesh

After years of hearing all the hype and our pastor being brought to tears at the pulpit while talking about the movie one day, Clint and I decided it was time to finally watch it.

Overall, I have to say its not my kind of movie. I enjoyed the first one quite a bit and really liked finding the ways the characters and story line could relate to the gospel. Frodo was seemingly just an ordinary simple young man and yet, he was chosen to save the world. After the first one ended I looked forward to seeing the second. While watching the second one it was hard not to cover my face with the blanket. The battle scenes were horrible and there was far to many of them. Those nasty creatures coming out of their birth sacks was over the top gross and scary. Clint on the other hand thought it was great how well they depicted evil. I guess evil just really makes me uncomfortable. I experienced much of the same on the 3rd movie but as Frodo was using everything he had to bring the ring up the mountain I was filled with hope. I was waiting for him to over throw evil and toss the ring into the fire. But he didn't! He put it on instead!!! WHAT!?! I thought this was going to be a story of redemption!?! I thought Frodo was going to save the world. Yes, the ring eventually made its way into the fire and the world was saved, but not by Frodos doing. I was very disappointed in that.

After the movie Clint explained to me that its about the battle with flesh until the very end. Okay, so now I get it, but I don't like it! In fact I hate it! Not the movie, but the flesh.

As I shared in my last post I have food issues. For me, this is a battle between my sinful desires (the flesh) and the Spirit. My friend Crystal shared in this amazing teaching on gluttony that she woke up every morning for a time and the Holy Spirit was making her food choices for her. Oh, how I longed to experience that for myself. And finally, one day it happened! After repenting of my sin and daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute seeking the help He has given me, the Holy Spirit as been making my food choices too! I praise God! It actually felt easy to choose good healthy food and to not go back for seconds. It was all credit to the Holy Spirits work in me. For 13 days the Spirit was winning the battle!!!

Then day 14,15 and 16 came. Those 3 days were not the same as the previous 13. When I woke up yesterday (day 16) I new I had been in a funk for a couple days. No, I hadn't binge eaten or anything but I knew my heart and attitude weren't in the right place, so I had to pause and reflect. What I saw was that I started to lean on my own strength. Kind of like Frodo did when he took off up the mountain with out Sam. Just like Frodo, my own strength is not enough. Frodo came all that way and surely he should be able to make it a little ways on his own, right? NO! But that is the thinking I realize I all to often have.

So day 16 when I realize all this... rather then turning to the Spirit to guide me, I wallowed in my mistake. I knew I needed pray, but I didn't. I knew I needed my sista's to be praying for me and that all I would need to do is send a simple text, but I didn't. So what did I do? I ate. I want to hate myself for yesterday. I want to wallow in my self loathing pit and probably end up eating some more, but I can't. Why? Because I am loved! I am chosen! I am accepted! I am adopted! I am forgiven! I am blessed and I am redeemed!!! Like one of my favorite songs by Mary Mary says "I know He didn't bring me this far just to leave me."

Just like Frodo, I often think I can do it on my own. Just like Frodo, I can't. Just like Frodo needs Sam all the way to the bitter end, I need the Holy Spirit until my end on this earth.

Tell the truth Tuesday:The ugly and beautiful truth

The UGLY truth: ...and I mean ugly. I have food issues. I eat for pleasure. I eat for comfort. I eat from boredom. I eat from stress. I eat often. I eat a lot. Worst of all, I eat instead of sitting at the feet of my sweet Jesus. My body is a product of my food issues. I am overweight the the point of being considered obese. I am at higher risk for things like cancer, heart disease and diabetes because of my weight. I feel fat. I look fat. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like looking this way. Most of all, I don't like food sitting on the thrown of my heart in place of my sweet Jesus.

Phil 3:18-19

For many of whom I have often told you and now even tell you with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, and their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.

1st Cor 6:20

For you were bought with a price. So glorify God with your body.

The BEAUTIFUL truth:God so gently revealed this sin to me and has already begun an amazing work in me. He has brought me to true repentance and through the Holy Spirit day by day, meal by meal, I am able to make better, healthier, God glorifying choices. To Him be the glory!

2nd Cor 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Gal 5:16

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Heb 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. 

1st Peter 5:6-10

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Taste and see that the Lord is good

Psalm 34

I will bless the Lord at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

Stepping on the scale

Long time no blog! I have a million excuses but I will spare you... More importantly I have some exciting news to share!

My husband and I (along with our community group) are starting a discipleship program called the Story Formed Life. My dear friend Heather took this class a couple years ago and I have been wanting to take it ever since. Last week we had some what of a information/Q & A time with our leader. After the meeting I am even more excited but also a bit anxious.

The way this particular discipleship class is set up is over a course of 10 weeks we will look at different portions of Gods story from the bible. We will start with the basic foundational truths of our faith and then look at how we ought to then live according to those truths. (Please correct me fellow disciple-shippers if I am explaining this wrong) The following is a break down of the 10 weeks-

creation

fall

gospel

lordship

sonship

spirit led life

disciplined life

being the church

kingdom

recreation

I am so excited to go back to the basics and hopefully gain a better understanding of these foundational truths. I am also very anxious though... Each week after we have spent time reading, meditating, praying and discussing the scriptures for the week we will have the opportunity to rate how much we truly believe it on a scale of 1-10. (stepping on the scale) I think it would be easy to say "Of course I believe God created the Heavens and the earth" and "of course I believe that me and everyone else on this planet are made in His image. The bible says so!" but if I take a good hard look at how I look at myself sometimes and others....can I really give my self a 10? Probably not.

I am praying for a humble and teachable heart this week and that God would show me my unbelief so that I can grow closer to him and stronger in faith.

When my friend Heather did this course she blogged about her journey each week and it was such a blessing for me to see her heart be challenged and changed each week. My hope is that I too will catalog my journey via this blog along the way.

Is Jesus Enough?

As followers of Christ we must continue to be moldable. As God moves in our hearts we are transformed (if we let it happen). God is so patient with me. He always molds me so slowly and so carefully. Often I don't even realize its going on. Then I have the blessing of looking back and seeing how my heart has been changed. Sometimes it is clear to me where he is taking me with the change he has brought about in my life. At other times I am perplexed to see which direction a change will take me. I must be patient and wait for Him to reveal things to me as he sees fit. I will admit its tough waiting at times.

Last week in Scott's sermon he talked about our need to be loved by others, how it is an idle and that Jesus should be enough for us. I LOVED what he was saying!!! Yes, it was convicting as I am human and definitely want the love and approval of others. Though the good news is it caused me to look back. To look back and see the change God had done in my heart. Is Jesus enough for me? YES! YES HE IS! Do I always feel that way? NO, of course not. But slowly and carefully he continues to mold me and I AM GETTING THERE!

The time line-
10 years ago- I didn't know Christ at all. I was empty and dissatisfied.

5 years ago- I had been a believer for about 3 years. Jesus was my savior! Though I still looked to others for love and approval. I filled every quiet moment with relationships, noise or busyness.

3 years ago- I loved Jesus, I loved his people and I loved being with them and serving them even if that was at my own families loss.

2 years ago- The change had begun. The conviction of my sin was burning in my heart. God was leading me home. Home, to better serve the husband and children he blessed me with. Home, where I could sit at his feet and be quiet and listen. I wrote This Post  about this very change 2 years ago and what a blessing it was to be able to go back and read it!(one of the biggest reasons I am back to blogging)

I want to share with you a comment a dear friend left on that post that blessed me then and again today when I reread it.

As God shapes, molds and changes you through this new season fix your eyes on Him. I know that God is using this time to bring a different dynamic to your relationship with Him. I'm excited to see what these winds of change will result in. Remember that discipleship is difficult....truly denying ourselves and giving our lives to Christ is a narrow road.....but we need to do this to become more like Christ...we cannot gain a resurrected life without dying. I'm praying for you sista!! -Carrie Stannert

Wow! Do you think she had any idea the wisdom she was dishing out?!?! I'm thinking those words just might need to be hanging somewhere I can read them everyday!

Back to the time line...

Today- I love Jesus more then I ever have! He is more real to me then he ever has been! While I do still struggle at times...ultimately I know He is who fills my cup. Today I know my place and I know where he wants me to be. I am so blessed to be at home loving and serving my family. I am blessed with a great community of believers of whom I feel I have healthy and balance relationships with. Don't get me wrong, I do still struggle at times with the pull to be everywhere with everyone... So I could love them and they could love me! Sounds good right? Wrong! I have learned that community and relationships within the body are an absolute must. But not when I allow them to cause my role as wife and mom, or more importantly sitting at Jesus' feet to suffer.  A careful balancing act I will continue to walk prayerfully.

And because we are keeping it real... I struggle with all the mudane duties as wife and mother. Trust me, just because I know God has called me to do this doesn't me I'm always pleasant and joyful while doing it = /  This Post over at Stay At Home Missionary's site is amazing. A must read!!!

love

30 Day Challenge: Friday Updates

Days 1-4

Since it is still the am I have not done any of my challenges yet today so I will just be updating Mon-Thurs today.

Challenge 1: Time in Gods Word
Well I have met this challenge everyday so far but the first 3 days it was just enough to get my minimum and I was not putting much into, if ya know what I mean. Yesterday I read a couple chapters in Genesis. I ended with the 10 commandments. It is good to be reminded of the law God gave his people before the time of Jesus. I do want to share what I read on Tuesday night. I was laying in bed when I realized I hadn't met this challenge so I jumped out of bed, opened the bible and this is what I landed on. Note: This is the second time I've landed on this scripture when I've done it this way.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the field yields no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God, the Lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet like the deer's;

he makes me tread on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

To me this verse like many other verses speaks to leaning on God, our strength and our joy when we are struggling or things just aren't going as we had planned. I have remembered that he is my strength but forgot the part about him being my joy too. When I have been at my weakest and I felt like I can't go on, I have looked to God to give me the strength to keep going forward. But I have gone forward without joy. I can't help but think about what that has done for my witness to those around me...bleh! It is normal for us to not always feel joy, especially when things are not going our way. But we must remember to look to God to give us joy! He is our joy and our strength!!!

Challenge 2: Exercise

Seriously exercise is now just a part of my life. It takes little effort for me to make the time to do it because I LOVE IT!!! (I only wish that will happen with my bible reading) I am only 4 days in and I have already met my goal of running twice and doing yoga twice. I have also done toning exercises for my abs and arms in addition. Today is supposed to be a rest day but I think I will do some more toning exercises. They are all low impact so my joints will still be getting a rest. (I think)

Challenge 3: Eating Healthy

So far so good! I have stuck to all the rules with the exception of 1. Rule # 5. No eating after 8pm. I feel I will need to modify this rule because I sometimes run in the evening and I don't get done until after 8pm and I need to eat a little something (usually a banana) after I run. So the modification to the rule will be No junk food or high fat foods after 8pm. Fruits and veggies will be okay. 

Much to my liking I have lost 2 lbs since Monday. While this challenge is about eating healthier not losing wait I need to lose some weight (for health reasons). I need to lose about 20lbs but would like to lose about 40lbs. But hitting that hard will come at a later challenge. For now I am just trying to change some really bad habits.

Challenge 4: Organization

Let me just say boy did my hubby hit the nail on the head with this one! I haven't done a thing for this challenge yet...I'm glad I still have 25 more days to meet it. Trust me, I've thought a ton about what i need to do. Now I just need to do it.

So how is your challenge going??? No matter where you're at in the challenge or how it is going, please give us an update by linking a post below :)

love,

30 day Challenge: Round 2

This weekend has been a nice break from having a challenge to meet but I am excited to get back in it! Here are the challenges I am taking on over the next 30 Days.

Challenge 1: Time in Gods Word
I have decided to continue this challenge because I don't feel it has become habit enough for me. Same rules apply as last time.

Challenge 2: Exercise
These rules have changed. As much as I love running I know that I need to incorporate other forms of exercise in order to be completely physically fit. I have been working a lot on my endurance but really need to work on my strength and flexibility. So My new challenge will be to run 2 times a week and do yoga 2 times a week. I am going to try to do some cross training 1 day and rest 2 days in addition to this but that will not be part of my challenge. 

Challenge 3: Eating Healthier
After being challenged by my dear friend Kaitlyn on what the definition of  a diet really is and discussing things over with my husband I have decided against a drastic change and/or a crash diet. Here are the areas I will be focusing on or the rules if you will.
1. Drink more water
2. Eat smaller portions
3. Choose healthy snacks between meals
4. No Soda
5. No eating after 8pm (I will give myself grace on this if it is a special night but no more then once a week)
6. No seconds on desserts

Disclaimer: These are the rules I am starting with on this challenge. I will not remove any of these rules but depending on how it goes I might ad to them as I see needed.

Challenge 4: Organization
I was gonna go a lot more ambitious on this challenge but thankfully my Husband is here to bring me back down to earth and not bite off more then I can chew. So for this challenge I am giving myself the next 30 days to organize all our home school stuff (books, art and office supplies, ect.) and make my curriculum plan and schedule for the school year.

I do want to share one more change I am making to the challenges this time around. I have decided I will give my challenge updates on Friday only (unless I have something I really need to share). I hope the rest of you who are participating will share with us how your challenge is going on Fridays also. I plan to have a link option available so you can ad your update to my post and we can all share, encourage and inspire each other on our 30 Day Challenge journeys.

I am also super exited to share that my hubby has decided to take on his own 30 day challenge too!!! He will not be blogging about his challenge but said that I can share them with all my readers. So here they are

Clint's Challenge 1: Keep the lawn green and plush for the next 30 days

Clint's Challenge 2: No shaving for 30 days. ( I told him with this challenge that means no ____ for 30 days either. LOL)

Okay, so those are not really his challenges...but he did think they would be good ones! I will share his real challenges with ya next time :)

Happy Challenging yourself!!!

What I've Become

Over the last ten years I have become...

A glutton

Obese

A sluggard

Plagued with self doubt and self indulgence

My own worst enemy

As I look at those labels I have given myself all of the lies I have told myself over the years run through my mind as if they are on one of those electronic reader boards. "its not a big deal if you have another helping, food is for you to enjoy", "you are what you eat, a pile of crap",  " you're to fat to workout", "you're fine just the way you are, why change", "you're not lazy, you just have other priorities", "you have no self control and no will power", "you are weak", "you'll never change so why even try",

While running on the trail when I was camping I would listen to my I-Pod on Shuffle. At one point this song came on and as I listened to the chorus I knew exactly why God brought me to running. He brought me to running because of what I've become.

Turn me around pick me up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need you, need your help

I can't do this myself

You're the only one who can undo

What I've become

As I listened to the words I knew that God had begun a great work in me. Through the running he is showing me that I do have strength, will power and self control. He has shown me that through Him I can do all things!!! Yes, even running!!! He is showing me that it is important to take care of myself, how to care about myself and how to do it in a way that is glorifying to him. He is showing me that he will undo what I've become.

Over the years I have tried to change, only to fail. I CANNOT do it on my strength alone. I cry out to God the words of the song, "I need you, need your help. I can't do this myself." And there He is with a loving and gentle hand. He was there all along, patiently waiting for me to reach up from the pit and ask for his help.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 

Philippians 1:6

NASB

One-way

So often I find myself driving down a one-way street in my relationship with God. I am heading in His direction and sending much His way, yet so often I forget to stop and listen and see what He might have for me. Relationships must go both ways. Otherwise there is not really much of a relationship at all. I need to remind myself to slow down and stop at the station to fill up on his word. I need to take every rest stop I see along the way and quiet my heart to listen to what he has for me while resting in Him.

Lord, I thank you for forgiveness of my selfish ways. I want to drink your word daily. I want to crave it and need it like it is the air that I breathe. Help me to be obedient to your call.

My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me

I do not choose the colors

Yet He worketh steadily

Of times He weaveth sorrow

and I in foolish pride

forget He sees the upper

and I the underside

Not until the loom is silent

and the shuttles cease to fly

will God unfold the canvas

and explain the reasons why

The dark threads are as needed

in the skillful weavers hands

as the threads of gold and silver

in the pattern He has planned

Title and Author-Unknown